Quips for Today

“Did I Say That?”

Well, yes I did

People, when viewing my travel guide series to sightseeing by public transportation, have often asked me:

1. “Did you go to all these cities yourself?” My response:

“Somebody’s got to do it; it might as well be me!”

2. On Sunday Mornings at book fairs, I have often told people in a quasi-religious-sounding sense:

Tourist 9Sketch by Ted Keller

“I get lost so that ye may be found!”

There’s more truth to that statement than at first meets the eye, because, in truth, in order to map out the top 50 visitor attractions in a city, as well as how exactly to get to them using public transit, I got so lost–many more times than I’d care to admit! But truth be told, someone truly needs to make a bunch of wrong turns in order to really get it right!

3. In gathering up nearly 10,000 travel tales from just about 1,750 world travelers and adventurers over the last four decades for my ebook series, I always tell people:

“You wouldn’t believe the incredible stories people have told me about their travels.”

It almost brings me to tears thinking about all the people I’ve met, the places I have met them, and the interviews I have conducted with them.

4. You cain’t hardly (good grammar voided purposely for effect) avoid:

. . . the wonderful drinks, deserts, pastries, sandwiches, and other goodies and whatnots of all kinds and varieties  in more places than I can remember or can count, such as in Paris, Rome, the Greek Islands, the Middle East, and in, literally, thousands of street markets all over the world.


My motto is this simple:

“No fat, no whip, no fun!”

5. In Italy, of course, I became, pure and simple:

a ‘pasta-holic!’

6. And, finally, in France, I could not resist:


Le ‘Chocolat-a-Holic!’

In Paris I scarf down a famed éclair au chocolat(chocolate eclair), coated on the outside with a  thick chocolate layer and stuffed on the inside with a delicious chocolate-pudding-like filling.

Yep, you probably guessed it–I am also a chocoholic! I tried to limit myself to only two eclairs a day, but have been known to fail miserably on occasion!

Vive la France!

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French Dog


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Call: 206.618.7618, Email: michaelbrein@gmail.com

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Humor at a Cost: Urban Travel Myths?

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Crapper!

 The Airplane Loo: A Room with No View!


There was once was a man named Donald who was using an airplane restroom, seated on the john, but who FORGOT to lock the door!

VERY large buxom woman, presumably from an Eastern European country, now proceeded to open the door and back her way into the restroom–the only way she figured she could–in order to be able to use the commode–for it would have been exceedingly difficult for her to negotiate turning around in order to do so.

Continue reading Humor at a Cost: Urban Travel Myths?

A Chilling Trilogy: Just Plain Bad Luck!

Just Doing the “Right Thing”


An American couple and their child were driving in a Eurasian country when a little girl darted out in front of their vehicle. She was hit, but not seriously hurt. To do the “right thing,” the American man drove the little girl to a doctor in a neighboring village. To “show good faith,” he left his wife and child behind. He later returned to find that they’d been hanged by villagers who’d grossly misunderstood what happened.

Continue reading A Chilling Trilogy: Just Plain Bad Luck!

Water Is like a Box of Chocolates

You Never Can Be Sure What You’re Gonna Get!



And Never, EVER Walk Away from Your Drink!

And Leave It Unguarded!

The Perils of Pauline!

Perils of Pauline

Pauline was always a damsel in distress. She was infamous for getting herself into all sorts of trouble. But its not only Pauline; its many travelers equally as well.

Who among us has not witnessed a girl (or woman) getting up from her table or barstool to go to the restroom, glibly abandoning her drink to anyone and everyone to be potentially tempted to do the dastardly deed as slipping her a‚ mickey (dropping something untoward in her drink), i.e., something as evil as like a date rape drug or God only knows what other incapacitating substance!

Has it ever really happened? You betcha! Such goings on have often been reported to have happened to travelers to Mexico, for instance. And it’s certainly not limited to there; it happens at home; it happens everywhere.

Rule #1 (Is strictly common sense): Never, ever, EVER‚ leave a drink unguarded even for a moment!


Pschitt Definitely Happens!

Remember when (some of us)‚ would drink the official American drink, namely, Coca Cola, to cure an upset stomach in India or Morocco, or wherever? Seems to have worked. But, let’s face it, you never know what youre gonna get when you take a drink.


Geez, you can’t just drink any ole Pschitt wherever you go and be oblivious to the possible consequences. They say, “You are what you drink, (and you are what you eat), and there’s an awful lot of truth to that!

Rule #2: For Gods sake, KNOW‚ what you are drinking!

Bottled Water

A corollary to this is that you get what you drink! Just never simply take a chance and drink that bottled water‚ UNTIL YOU CHECK THAT THE CAP IS SEALED!

Bottled water is touted as the be all, end all for drinking water overseas.

They say that bottled water is as pure as a newborn baby. Maybe so. But they also say, “Hey, that’s nothing more than tap water! Can you be sure you can trust third-world bottled water? Hell, you never know if it is just tap water, but the chances are these days that you can pretty much count on it being purified, with this one caveat, however.

All too often people simply will drink the bottled water without first checking that the bottle is‚ COMPLETELY SEALED!

Rule #3:‚ Make‚ absolutely certain that the cap is firmly‚ SEALED‚ to begin with!

Shower Water


And, finally, here’s another thought about drinking the water. Well, I dont suppose you think of shower water as something that you strictly drink,‚ do you? But here’s something I’ll bet very few people really think very much about.

When you take a shower, water enters you just about everywhere/EVERY orifice: your eyes, your nose, your ears, your mouth, your skin . . . It can be tantamount to taking a drink. And, let’s face it: it maybe only takes but ONE bacterium‚ to give you “Delhi belly, doesnt it?

I interviewed one traveler who told me that she took a shower in India, accidentally swallowed some water, and then got horribly sick shortly thereafter, presumably as a result. Blame it on the water? Who knew?

Rule #4:‚ Be aware that shower water in third-world countries‚ CAN‚ do you in!


Continue reading Water Is like a Box of Chocolates