The Loneliness of the Long Distance Crapper!

 The Airplane Loo: A Room with No View!

There was once was a man named Donald who was using an airplane restroom, seated on the john, but who FORGOT to lock the door!

A VERY large buxom woman, presumably from an Eastern European country, now proceeded to open the door and back her way into the restroom–the only way she figured she could–in order to be able to use the commode–for it would have been exceedingly difficult for her to negotiate turning around in order to do so.

Unbeknownst to our determined friend, she then promptly sat down on his poor man’s lap, having absolutely no idea of his presence.

Startled at feeling–not mano-a-mano in this case (use your imagination)–she then whirled around and slapped the man, Donald, right across his face, for something, of course, not that he had said, but for being presumed guilty for what he had done, namely, been there first!!

The woman now screamed at the top of her tormented voice and stormed right out. Doing the only thing that Donald could do, he stalled for time, hoping that 1) the redness of his embarrassed-to-the-core face would subside, and that 2) hopefully no one would take notice.

But notice  they most certainly did–for two stewardesses who just happened to be standing nearby observing the whole thing–then struck a pose of unadulterated disgust, rolling their eyes, and shaking their heads at poor Donald!

For they knew poor Donald from numerous flights before (hint, hint, he was employed by Hewlett Packard). (Donald shall remain anonymous here). It’s not that it was really Don’s fault, was it?  But some people perennially play the ‘victim.’ And this was our Donald.

Now, I like to present two possible ending scenarios: the first–I call ”the mile-high scenario.” Here we have a smiling Donald, looking like the cock-of-the-block, parading down the aisle-way for all to see, with everyone forming their unmitigated opinions as to what had transpired apparently from right under their noses.

Don proceeds down the aisle to the wondrous, thunderous applause of onlooking passengers as to what they considered actually happened there–and what they, of course, imagined  actually happened quite often, but which they have never been privy to actually observing before.

The second scenario–which in this case just happens to be true–is what was outlined above. Poor old Donald, shamefully red-faced, visibly shaken and humbled by it all, stalled his exit, looked straight ahead and slithered back to his seat into relatively anonymity for the rest of the flight.

Hot Buttered Buns!

A Woman proceeded to enter the airplane loo. However, this was not an apropos thing to do at the time, since the plane was in the process of descending, and she should have been firmly safe and sound in her own seat instead.

But rather than resist or defy ‘nature’s call,’ she tempted fate by going to the bathroom nonetheless.

Suddenly something happened to the airplane’s pressure, and airplane loos, as a result, do what comes naturally–they form a strong suction.

Only, our lady passenger was woefully STUCK and could NOT extricate herself her self at all costs. Nothing she could do made any difference at all. She was stuck, pure and simple, even as the aircraft landed, taxied, and came to a stop.

None of the crew could manage to pull her off from the toilet, until, suddenly, one flight attendant had the brilliant idea to pour hot melted butter onto the seat in, on, and around this poor woman’s buttocks.

This apparently did the trick, and our lady passenger, none the worse for wear, but as embarrassed as she could be, proceeded to de-board the aircraft, butter stains and all!

Outhouse Woes!

Then there was the visitor to Zambia who was sitting in an outhouse toilet area when a lion just happened walk in on him, He evidently passed out, whereupon the lion ran out. But this one thing we can be sure of:  our friend unquestionably did his duty, fortunately unscathed and undaunted by his just-as-surprised wild lion friend!

 The Travel Psychologist’s Take

Funny is funny no matter what the reason, who is involved, or what the consequences were. Whether at your expense, or due to your intentions, when people have a laugh, it matters not at all, the who, the  what, the why or the how. If it’s funny, people will laugh. Again, no matter if they are laughing at you, because of you, or in spite of you, the effect is the same, for better or for worse, the experience becomes memorable. It becomes etched in stone and never, ever really and truly forgotten.

Oh yeah, if you were embarrassed at it all, it most certainly may become repressed. If people laughed because of you or in spite of you–unless it was a truly embarrassing and traumatic happening (in which case it most definitely would be best forgotten)–if you were the cause of unbridled or raucous laughter, that can be remembered as a good thing.

I recall when I taunted the ‘Fountain Gods’ at the Peterhof Palace in St Petersburg, Russia. These fountains squirted passersby, presumably at random, when you stepped betwixt and between garden slate  stones. I saw a gaggle of Russian girls who I was determined to make laugh totally at my expense. When I figured out and observed the hidden man (the ‘Fountain Deity’) the rest was history. I proceed to taunt and tease this ‘God’ who dutifully squirted me at each and every turn, soaking me to the bone. The girls giggled and laughed uncontrollably. Mission accomplished! And now I have this wonderful memory!